expected...

still
so hard to let go
one look, sends me spiraling
and I have to laugh

still going...

fleeting
waiting on a friend
I watch the day leave the sky
sundogs and silver

a turn...

intimate
I heard it calling
cold voice of the autumn wind
vast, painful and sweet

full

watching
the eye of the moon
looking down between my dreams
thin veils and windows

...

not lonely
holding up a wall
I stand quiet in the dark
a visit with friends

steady breath...

trap
I found you waiting
beneath the layers of night
quicksand under me

..................................

brush
the air is gentle
softly dancing on my skin
to a low sweet song

................................
the world around me
slowly coming into focus
as my eyes open wider
my mind spinning
with feet planted
firmly in
now

slow breath...

orbit
hush now and be still
breathe your fear into the night
to rise with the moon

...breath let out

teeth
grinning in the night
orange smile of a moon
a secret shared

my view...

shine
with a comets tail
you race a wild orbit
far-away from me
through tomorrow
and into a memory
layers of smiles

the quiet breath...

celebration
on the horizon
the colour of dry champagne
day spills into night

night swim...

rest
dark ocean of night
the stars ride your silent waves
I slip beneath them

...deep breath...

surround
the sky is endless
I swim in it as water
without thought, weightless

...still breathing...

...plus one

solved
regarding my name,
I have decided neither
I know who I am

one

identity crisis
up 3 in the morning
asking myself...who am I?
Kathy or Kathleen?

...processed...

washed
the sharp sound of rain
clears my head, and heart
calm reality
.............................................................
I am done with words for a little while
I need to keep them to me
let them simmer
hold them close

they became too loud
closing my ears
too dark
closing my eyes
too many
closing my throat

I need to breathe
...........................

listening to...'An Ending (ascent)' by Brian Eno

..and...

how is it that,
that which helps the most
is the hardest to do

..............................

look back
walking side by side
we braved quick sidelong glances
and opened the doors

the process continues...

[bear with me, as I need to work this out...with words]

shell
I am paralyzed
with a crushing emptiness
yet I walk and talk

.................................
life has it's own agenda sometimes
you think you are taking the right steps
going in the right direction
and the road suddenly changes
your landmarks are gone
your legs, unsteady
even the air you breathe seems unfamiliar
leaving a dull taste in your mouth

somewhere along the way
you have lost yourself
...................................
maybe this new road will take me farther
and I will go to edge of the road
look back at where I have been
the air clear, colours sharp
then I will clearly see
that all roads lead
to where I am

right now

a process...

subtraction
is it possible
to feel that someone has died
alive, but not near?

changed...

talk
at a loss for words
and what comes out is all wrong
my heart in my throat