my Mom

carry
your voice a mirror
if I could bear it for you...
I listen, helpless
............................
I try to share
what strength I have
it doesn't seem
enough

so hard to think
when your mind
is 2000 miles away

and then...

slowly
frozen dreams I found
from the night behind the sun
melting on my tongue

just look...

premonition
eyes slowly open
to what was there all along
worlds inside revealed

discover
with each step, forward
to face yourself without fear
come, walk beside me

this or that...

bobcat
we met eye to eye
our worlds touch for a moment
tail twitch and he's gone

.......................................
was absolutely beautiful
.......................................

not a bobcat
we met eye to eye
our worlds touch for a moment
the moment endures

stirred up...

blur
I feel like flying
my feet miles from the ground
a crease in the sky

as I...

dissolve
walking in twilight
my body fades with the light
and I fill the sky

stirring about...

limitless
endless silver blue
the sky stretches before me
boundaries dissolve
................................

Finally, I wake.

face...

now
step into today
the air clear and eyes open
greet reality

a start...

visitor
on soft quiet feet
the day enters my window
and joins me in bed
as I hold my breath
released into the morning
whispered words waiting

...

release
I opened my hand
as you slid through my fingers
and I let you go

holding on...

thread
as I run ahead
you follow like a promise
twisting in the wind

slowly...

easy
soft pale blue breezes
wash across the opal sky
my eyes are endless

hello
now I meet the sun
with long steps across the sky
my skin in cold flames

still here...

race
eyes set past the pale
I held the sky in my hands
and ran past myself

a return...

found again
it was always there
my wide endless horizon
eyes following heart

trying to surface...

haze
eyes turned inward
I have lost the horizon
my body betrays

tonight...

drained
pouring into night
the colour bled from the sky
too tired for words

clearly...

head-on
rain falls on my hair
cold drops of reality
running down my face

...or fingers

honey
slipping from my heart
thoughts into words on my tongue
no taste of regret

...

mutual
what you draw from me
with your eyes, return to me
water from the well

clearly
the earth spoke to me
a stone picked up in passing
words felt through my hand

a balance?

light-speed
my thoughts are spinning
a kaleidoscope of words
trying to focus

just look...

inside
I have found my strength
in the people around me
and ground beneath me

today...

pause
the colour of tea
cold water through desert grasses
my heart takes a breath

no more...

laser
refusing to hide
I throw myself to the sky
and burn like the sun

view...

a look
over my shoulder
as the words met between us
the sun left the sky

...you get what you need...

as is
yesterday I learned
comfort comes in many forms
accepting the gift

through the keyhole...

yield
I stand in the dark
vibrating from head to toe
fear abides passion

passing by...

ice
so much time wasted
frozen in our fear of life
melt with me, slowly

from behind the door...

filled
suspended in need
night wings brush against warm skin
silence enters me
...........................

tonight I found myself
so close to the words
that I stopped
paralyzed by their truth

talking to the moon...

ebb
waves break on a beach
a rolling tumble of words
rising with the tide

eyes open

fog
lost in our own worlds
we fail to see each other
grey trees before dawn

tonight

news
I answered the phone
and my world quickly changed
I am left adrift

I take it with me...

landscape
within these thin walls
I feel the sky in my eyes
where mountains reside

stones

found
something forgotten
in my rush to move forward
strength from the silence

starting—out

mine
taller than a dream
shadow on a canyon wall
dancing with grey stones

2010

no haiku
fireworks
the phone rings
my daughters voice
a full moon watches
cold champagne shimmers
a coyote, frightened by the noise
runs past me so close I could touch it
and I hear its sharp breath

.............................................

catch
"Where are you going?"
words thrown at me from a song
and I threw them back

.............................................

heard
from out of the dark
his voice tore the night in two
ragged hole of fear

(I never saw him
I have no idea who he was
why he was yelling
why he was running
it ended with a sound
like a shot)
....................................

was nothing...

reaction
sound, where none should be
slices its way up my spine
turning me to ice

shades in the shadows...

siren
inside these four walls
I still feel the deep twilight
ceaselessly calling

angel
sitting by my bed
with a voice of endless night
dreams woven with stars

eyes open...

wake
walking in my sleep
from day to dream, dream through day
then to vibrate life

out of range...

tonight
I am stretched thin
worn-out with expectations
pieces scattered, lost

...........................
others expectations
not mine

...

suspended
with a bright silence
in a room frozen in time
slowly, walls crumble

serenade
light sweet notes dancing
like sunlight put to music
crimson feathers flash

random...

solid
be silent and still
let voices wash over you
to leave you untouched

no more
always in waiting
but life doesn't stop to chat
running to catch up

box
so easy, the known
and so hard to look beyond
to find ourselves

thoughts outloud...

wall
under a grey sky
silence rolls off the mountains
crashing over me

spread
voices like ripples
on the surface of twilight
clear fathomless depths

voices
sun and blue shadows
give the mountains their voice
hush, be still...listen
....................................
outside 2 days in a row, same place
with different people
and was myself...a different person each time
they all fill a need, some part of us
not complete without it
it is not always clear
the why, behind the need
but it doesn't make it less real
less necessary
less wanted

...

listen
why am I awake?
the night promises answers
then Orion speaks

history

direct hit
tossed gently to me
I caught your slip of a smile
from across the room
to land in my heart
one step ahead
of your eyes

and it filled me...

valley
holding the silence
in a bowl of stone and sky
indigo shadows

sunday evening...

solitude
walking through dark trees
I hear twilight softly sing
while clouds burn above

caught words...

peek
there is no hiding
in a room full of shadows
from the moons full gaze

over 3 days...

Fred
dancing with the sun
crimson flash in the water
his world in a bowl

barely
air clear as water
walking light on the surface
I skim through the day

expand
on a hike today
the stillness entered my soul
and I filled the sky

wondering...

seen
keeping love hidden
why are we all so afraid
to let our guard down?
........................................

if you don't allow yourself to feel
you stop yourself from living

briefly...

in sync
black lace fluttering
over my head in twilight
a flock of birds dance

words on fire...

life ignited
burning from within
sparks fly from my skin
as the air explodes around me
sending my buried thoughts
madly spinning in the flames

just two...

look
caught in your own web
your eyes clouded with questions
I am always here


welcome
I greet this dark night
in a voice deep with found dreams
and stars on my tongue

deep night...

arrive
with a silent thrust
the walls are an illusion
night enters my room

both?

maelstrom
it swirls around me
am I the eye of the storm
or just lost in it

just blew in...

contact
whisper to my lips
the song from deep in your heart
I'll not tell a soul
...........................

explanation? none
cause? the clear horizon this evening
meaning? it is what it is

focused...

circle
living in the now
I see my path so clearly
a puzzle indeed

24th

near miss
from a waking dream...
reflections of your smile
in a stranger's eyes

daughter
her sunlit smile
playing laughter like a song
lost in that sweet sound

drawn out and...

stretched
to love/hate this light
this long blue autumn twilight
stirring up my soul

reaching for words...

an autumn wind
races through the trees
like my thoughts
through minutes of the day

to soar

expected...

still
so hard to let go
one look, sends me spiraling
and I have to laugh

still going...

fleeting
waiting on a friend
I watch the day leave the sky
sundogs and silver

a turn...

intimate
I heard it calling
cold voice of the autumn wind
vast, painful and sweet

full

watching
the eye of the moon
looking down between my dreams
thin veils and windows

...

not lonely
holding up a wall
I stand quiet in the dark
a visit with friends

steady breath...

trap
I found you waiting
beneath the layers of night
quicksand under me

..................................

brush
the air is gentle
softly dancing on my skin
to a low sweet song

................................
the world around me
slowly coming into focus
as my eyes open wider
my mind spinning
with feet planted
firmly in
now

slow breath...

orbit
hush now and be still
breathe your fear into the night
to rise with the moon

...breath let out

teeth
grinning in the night
orange smile of a moon
a secret shared

my view...

shine
with a comets tail
you race a wild orbit
far-away from me
through tomorrow
and into a memory
layers of smiles

the quiet breath...

celebration
on the horizon
the colour of dry champagne
day spills into night

night swim...

rest
dark ocean of night
the stars ride your silent waves
I slip beneath them

...deep breath...

surround
the sky is endless
I swim in it as water
without thought, weightless

...still breathing...

...plus one

solved
regarding my name,
I have decided neither
I know who I am

one

identity crisis
up 3 in the morning
asking myself...who am I?
Kathy or Kathleen?

...processed...

washed
the sharp sound of rain
clears my head, and heart
calm reality
.............................................................
I am done with words for a little while
I need to keep them to me
let them simmer
hold them close

they became too loud
closing my ears
too dark
closing my eyes
too many
closing my throat

I need to breathe
...........................

listening to...'An Ending (ascent)' by Brian Eno

..and...

how is it that,
that which helps the most
is the hardest to do

..............................

look back
walking side by side
we braved quick sidelong glances
and opened the doors

the process continues...

[bear with me, as I need to work this out...with words]

shell
I am paralyzed
with a crushing emptiness
yet I walk and talk

.................................
life has it's own agenda sometimes
you think you are taking the right steps
going in the right direction
and the road suddenly changes
your landmarks are gone
your legs, unsteady
even the air you breathe seems unfamiliar
leaving a dull taste in your mouth

somewhere along the way
you have lost yourself
...................................
maybe this new road will take me farther
and I will go to edge of the road
look back at where I have been
the air clear, colours sharp
then I will clearly see
that all roads lead
to where I am

right now

a process...

subtraction
is it possible
to feel that someone has died
alive, but not near?

changed...

talk
at a loss for words
and what comes out is all wrong
my heart in my throat

something different...

I have had so much running through my head
a constant stream of images through my eyes
a surge of thoughts, a sense of place
welling up from the depths
I have not been able
to find the words

the sky yesterday evening
so deep and rich
busy with colour, movement
I did not know where to look
...a deep blue cloud shadow
shoots up from the horizon...
...a solitary dark cloud
grumbles with rain...
...red-orange sun
rolls into tomorrow...
..with each step I leave the earth
leaving footprints on the sky...

am I making any sense?
does it matter?

today...
the wider I open my door
the more people step through
smiling, hesitant, questioning, wondering
who do they see? what do they hear?
what do they want?

my friend, maybe the answer
is to take that long walk
...off my own pier
my god what a glorious splash!

...with each word spoken, I am lighter—
than my smile when I think of...

the possibilities

gathered...

one from Sunday...

surface
sunday afternoon
quiet light, sound of water
no deep thoughts at all

today...

afternoon
green dappled sunlight
fills the breadth of your smile
woven with a laugh

always there...

brim
I fill the deep night
and it pours into my heart
the stars dance for me

welcome
I smile to the stars
the night like arms around me
warm breath on my skin

..........................................

I can never stay lost for long
my compass always leads me
over the mountain
around the bend
down that path...
to my horizon
because we each
have our own

I knew that...

useless
today, knowingly
I held regret in my hand
and see?...life goes on

....................................

yes, it is time to move
and change with the light
too much energy was used
to find that I was only
standing still

as I disappear...

flit
paying me no heed
the evening moves around me
on silent bat wings

before sleep...

nightlight
your smile blinds me
even as I walk away
sparks swirl in my path

found
look outside your world
find yourself in opened eyes
touch the infinite

deliverance
what I keep inside
is released as stars appear
slow sweet ecstasy

............................

it is late...again
I go where the words take me
and enjoy the ride

a saturday morning

start
opening my eyes
I glimpse what the day could be
and rush to meet it

hold
I feel I can't breathe
life can take my breath away
full of surprises

a thought

void
I have to wonder
will you feel something missing
as I walk away

Monday afternoon

lucid
to be transparent
slowly disappear at will
water as my skin
all thoughts, reflections
skipping across the surface
my body endless

peace

drench
I walk with thunder
while above, lightening dances
smell of creosote

....................................................
I walked in the rain this evening
you could see the blue grey curtains
traveling from the mountains
down across the valley
I closed my eyes and felt the cold rain on my skin
the smells from the desert rain
swirled around me
complex and deep
layers, memories, dreams, impressions
the rain slowed then stopped
the air stilled, softly expectant
and while I listened
it whispered up behind me
I smiled, as it washed over me
such peace found
leaving me to remember
why I am here

night as company

aware
here I am again
in that place, an endless night
stretching before me

phases
the moon grows to full
it swells and fills my body
my head is spinning

.............................................
boundaries are thin at night
they start to fade in the twilight
haunting the corners of my sight

as the night deepens and opens
they disappear completely
for an endless breath
a path in a dream

I breathe
I follow
I fade

passing thought

chains
touching the comforts
she moves slowly through the house
fingers brush her life
.....................
this is not me
rather what I fear
being tied down to things
surrounding yourself with the past
afraid to move forward
blind to the present

pull up the anchors
let your sails fill
and sleep tonight
beyond the horizon

more notes from the pier

someone reminded me recently—
"Be comfortable with who you are."
such simple words
quiet, direct
powerful words
that when I read them
it was like taking a very deep breath

...I hadn't realized I was holding it...
.......................................................

uncover
I will wear myself
as night is cloaked in stars
nothing there to hide

thursday night

daughter
I watched you go
little one, my heart is torn
a piece goes with you

slice
who have I become
that I should feel so deeply
cutting through layers

...............................
we add these layers
why do we look to others to remove them?

my god
colours can only be
held back for so long
before they fall in on themselves
imploding
dissolving
fading
we are not meant
to be so closed

look at me
see yourself
there in my eyes
your smile surrounds us
..............................

I just started typing...
IIWII

Tuesday night

"...But you might stumble upon yourself one day."

"I am more than the sum of my parts."

thick
my words are slowed
in still air on waves of heat
building and pressing

............................
it never does stop
I need to push it all back
fill my head with music
noise, static, wind
so I can get past
go forward
always
open

flow
I have not missed
what I have given away
pieces of myself
though sometimes at night
I find there is nothing left
and dream of deep springs

found words

I watched a sunset yesterday
that I am hard-pressed to put to words.
the horizon was large and deep
smoky blue clouds
from a rainstorm far out in the desert
a dark blue curtain of rain
and on one side
peering from behind
a radiant
burning
molten
hot piercing
orange red sun
the whole sky
above
behind
across the wide horizon in front of me
was saturated in shades of blues and greys
except for the disc of the sun
as if a door was opened
letting you catch a glimpse
a radiance almost too much to accept
I don't belong there
but I do remember...

evening storm

crest
I watched the storm rise
pouring over the mountains
a wave of deep sky

herald
out of the desert
like a forgotten prophet
green wakes from the rain

during a break...

ears
slow down, stop, listen
take the sounds where they lead you
worlds behind closed eyes

simmer

imagined
in the heat of the day
your words become cool breezes
caressing my skin

span
a white sun stretches
effervescent radiance
rising to meet it

.............................

more cooking, so to speak
words, thoughts
clamoring to get out
so I just keep adding....
.................................

caught
turning it slowly
I hold a thought in my hand
a prism of words

it's just late

restraint
they came close today
these thoughts of you, into words
beneath my fingers