both?

maelstrom
it swirls around me
am I the eye of the storm
or just lost in it

just blew in...

contact
whisper to my lips
the song from deep in your heart
I'll not tell a soul
...........................

explanation? none
cause? the clear horizon this evening
meaning? it is what it is

focused...

circle
living in the now
I see my path so clearly
a puzzle indeed

24th

near miss
from a waking dream...
reflections of your smile
in a stranger's eyes

daughter
her sunlit smile
playing laughter like a song
lost in that sweet sound

drawn out and...

stretched
to love/hate this light
this long blue autumn twilight
stirring up my soul

reaching for words...

an autumn wind
races through the trees
like my thoughts
through minutes of the day

to soar

expected...

still
so hard to let go
one look, sends me spiraling
and I have to laugh

still going...

fleeting
waiting on a friend
I watch the day leave the sky
sundogs and silver

a turn...

intimate
I heard it calling
cold voice of the autumn wind
vast, painful and sweet

full

watching
the eye of the moon
looking down between my dreams
thin veils and windows

...

not lonely
holding up a wall
I stand quiet in the dark
a visit with friends

steady breath...

trap
I found you waiting
beneath the layers of night
quicksand under me

..................................

brush
the air is gentle
softly dancing on my skin
to a low sweet song

................................
the world around me
slowly coming into focus
as my eyes open wider
my mind spinning
with feet planted
firmly in
now

slow breath...

orbit
hush now and be still
breathe your fear into the night
to rise with the moon

...breath let out

teeth
grinning in the night
orange smile of a moon
a secret shared

my view...

shine
with a comets tail
you race a wild orbit
far-away from me
through tomorrow
and into a memory
layers of smiles

the quiet breath...

celebration
on the horizon
the colour of dry champagne
day spills into night

night swim...

rest
dark ocean of night
the stars ride your silent waves
I slip beneath them

...deep breath...

surround
the sky is endless
I swim in it as water
without thought, weightless

...still breathing...

...plus one

solved
regarding my name,
I have decided neither
I know who I am

one

identity crisis
up 3 in the morning
asking myself...who am I?
Kathy or Kathleen?

...processed...

washed
the sharp sound of rain
clears my head, and heart
calm reality
.............................................................
I am done with words for a little while
I need to keep them to me
let them simmer
hold them close

they became too loud
closing my ears
too dark
closing my eyes
too many
closing my throat

I need to breathe
...........................

listening to...'An Ending (ascent)' by Brian Eno

..and...

how is it that,
that which helps the most
is the hardest to do

..............................

look back
walking side by side
we braved quick sidelong glances
and opened the doors

the process continues...

[bear with me, as I need to work this out...with words]

shell
I am paralyzed
with a crushing emptiness
yet I walk and talk

.................................
life has it's own agenda sometimes
you think you are taking the right steps
going in the right direction
and the road suddenly changes
your landmarks are gone
your legs, unsteady
even the air you breathe seems unfamiliar
leaving a dull taste in your mouth

somewhere along the way
you have lost yourself
...................................
maybe this new road will take me farther
and I will go to edge of the road
look back at where I have been
the air clear, colours sharp
then I will clearly see
that all roads lead
to where I am

right now

a process...

subtraction
is it possible
to feel that someone has died
alive, but not near?

changed...

talk
at a loss for words
and what comes out is all wrong
my heart in my throat

something different...

I have had so much running through my head
a constant stream of images through my eyes
a surge of thoughts, a sense of place
welling up from the depths
I have not been able
to find the words

the sky yesterday evening
so deep and rich
busy with colour, movement
I did not know where to look
...a deep blue cloud shadow
shoots up from the horizon...
...a solitary dark cloud
grumbles with rain...
...red-orange sun
rolls into tomorrow...
..with each step I leave the earth
leaving footprints on the sky...

am I making any sense?
does it matter?

today...
the wider I open my door
the more people step through
smiling, hesitant, questioning, wondering
who do they see? what do they hear?
what do they want?

my friend, maybe the answer
is to take that long walk
...off my own pier
my god what a glorious splash!

...with each word spoken, I am lighter—
than my smile when I think of...

the possibilities

gathered...

one from Sunday...

surface
sunday afternoon
quiet light, sound of water
no deep thoughts at all

today...

afternoon
green dappled sunlight
fills the breadth of your smile
woven with a laugh

always there...

brim
I fill the deep night
and it pours into my heart
the stars dance for me

welcome
I smile to the stars
the night like arms around me
warm breath on my skin

..........................................

I can never stay lost for long
my compass always leads me
over the mountain
around the bend
down that path...
to my horizon
because we each
have our own

I knew that...

useless
today, knowingly
I held regret in my hand
and see?...life goes on

....................................

yes, it is time to move
and change with the light
too much energy was used
to find that I was only
standing still

as I disappear...

flit
paying me no heed
the evening moves around me
on silent bat wings

before sleep...

nightlight
your smile blinds me
even as I walk away
sparks swirl in my path

found
look outside your world
find yourself in opened eyes
touch the infinite

deliverance
what I keep inside
is released as stars appear
slow sweet ecstasy

............................

it is late...again
I go where the words take me
and enjoy the ride

a saturday morning

start
opening my eyes
I glimpse what the day could be
and rush to meet it

hold
I feel I can't breathe
life can take my breath away
full of surprises

a thought

void
I have to wonder
will you feel something missing
as I walk away

Monday afternoon

lucid
to be transparent
slowly disappear at will
water as my skin
all thoughts, reflections
skipping across the surface
my body endless

peace

drench
I walk with thunder
while above, lightening dances
smell of creosote

....................................................
I walked in the rain this evening
you could see the blue grey curtains
traveling from the mountains
down across the valley
I closed my eyes and felt the cold rain on my skin
the smells from the desert rain
swirled around me
complex and deep
layers, memories, dreams, impressions
the rain slowed then stopped
the air stilled, softly expectant
and while I listened
it whispered up behind me
I smiled, as it washed over me
such peace found
leaving me to remember
why I am here

night as company

aware
here I am again
in that place, an endless night
stretching before me

phases
the moon grows to full
it swells and fills my body
my head is spinning

.............................................
boundaries are thin at night
they start to fade in the twilight
haunting the corners of my sight

as the night deepens and opens
they disappear completely
for an endless breath
a path in a dream

I breathe
I follow
I fade

passing thought

chains
touching the comforts
she moves slowly through the house
fingers brush her life
.....................
this is not me
rather what I fear
being tied down to things
surrounding yourself with the past
afraid to move forward
blind to the present

pull up the anchors
let your sails fill
and sleep tonight
beyond the horizon

more notes from the pier

someone reminded me recently—
"Be comfortable with who you are."
such simple words
quiet, direct
powerful words
that when I read them
it was like taking a very deep breath

...I hadn't realized I was holding it...
.......................................................

uncover
I will wear myself
as night is cloaked in stars
nothing there to hide

thursday night

daughter
I watched you go
little one, my heart is torn
a piece goes with you

slice
who have I become
that I should feel so deeply
cutting through layers

...............................
we add these layers
why do we look to others to remove them?

my god
colours can only be
held back for so long
before they fall in on themselves
imploding
dissolving
fading
we are not meant
to be so closed

look at me
see yourself
there in my eyes
your smile surrounds us
..............................

I just started typing...
IIWII

Tuesday night

"...But you might stumble upon yourself one day."

"I am more than the sum of my parts."

thick
my words are slowed
in still air on waves of heat
building and pressing

............................
it never does stop
I need to push it all back
fill my head with music
noise, static, wind
so I can get past
go forward
always
open

flow
I have not missed
what I have given away
pieces of myself
though sometimes at night
I find there is nothing left
and dream of deep springs

found words

I watched a sunset yesterday
that I am hard-pressed to put to words.
the horizon was large and deep
smoky blue clouds
from a rainstorm far out in the desert
a dark blue curtain of rain
and on one side
peering from behind
a radiant
burning
molten
hot piercing
orange red sun
the whole sky
above
behind
across the wide horizon in front of me
was saturated in shades of blues and greys
except for the disc of the sun
as if a door was opened
letting you catch a glimpse
a radiance almost too much to accept
I don't belong there
but I do remember...

evening storm

crest
I watched the storm rise
pouring over the mountains
a wave of deep sky

herald
out of the desert
like a forgotten prophet
green wakes from the rain

during a break...

ears
slow down, stop, listen
take the sounds where they lead you
worlds behind closed eyes

simmer

imagined
in the heat of the day
your words become cool breezes
caressing my skin

span
a white sun stretches
effervescent radiance
rising to meet it

.............................

more cooking, so to speak
words, thoughts
clamoring to get out
so I just keep adding....
.................................

caught
turning it slowly
I hold a thought in my hand
a prism of words

it's just late

restraint
they came close today
these thoughts of you, into words
beneath my fingers

saturday glimpse

visceral
I am sorry...but
I can see into your heart
within the deep walls

friday late afternoon

sitting outside in the shade when it's 103
words try to reach the surface
my thoughts thick as tar

rem
sleeping in the sun
the desert dreams of the stars
and cold deep places

friday afternoon

preserver
save me from myself
I am sinking fast to grey
throw me a colour

jot

flamenco
my eyes are dancing
to the happiness inside
no explanation

mid-day

reaction
like a skipping stone
my thoughts touch lightly on you
and my eyes smile

mixed bag

from Nantucket...
flash
fireflies wander
aimlessly from leaf to leaf
searching for summer

outside today (NOT Nantucket!)...
well-done
rocks baked by the sun
into white-hot bits of light
walking on the sky

just because...
shell
you have left me now
like a warm tide retreating
spirals on the beach

a return

I've been away. A needed recharge.
One for now. More to come.
Monsoons have started here in the desert.
Beautiful. Dramatic. Roiling.
blues greys yellows silvers greens...
so much depth to the sky
a crucible
the horizon
sharpened between sky and land


impending
I walk with the wind
swiftly to the storms black door
thundering answer

late/early

unfetter
why am I awake?
to see the stars crazy light
falling from above

saturday evening view

abandon
There, the small blue clouds?
They dance on the horizon,
twirling with the sun!

company
turning and diving
the bats join me on my walk
welcoming laughter

on the subject of need

puzzle
the purpose of need
what is not found in ourselves
filling the spaces

friday...indeed

verge
as I drift away
to leave the earth with the day
breaking barriers

thursday theme

enfold
how can I describe
the gentleness of this day
it embraces me

create
time stops as I walk
the mountains take a deep breath
and exhale the night

.................................

It has been especially gentle in the desert lately.
quiet, peaceful, calm, expectant
Do we affect the world around us
by our own inner state?

wednesday/wonderfulday

loosed
I watch the pale light
gently wash the evening air
as I drift in thought

becoming
in closing my eyes
my boundaries disappear
I am that cool breeze

life scent
a small wondrous thing
came to me in the desert
the smell of damp earth

sunday

quest
I have swallowed fear
it left me hungry for life
honey on my lips

saturday

permanence
stretching and yawning
I slowly wake up and see
what never left me

uncontainable
where does it come from
this laughter that fills my heart
spilling from my eyes

...................................

the tide has turned...

a long walk

this evening
I walked in gold light
and breathed in the horizon
leaving doubt behind


growth spurt
as I pull my shreds
of dignity around me
I become taller
and slowly I look
into the eyes of the sun
returning the smile

as always

no jury
know this patient friend
I view myself more harshly
than you will ever

............................

ok, enough of that s*it
time to
move
on
ahead
forward
come with me
and see
our eyes bright
as the mid-day sun

saturday PM

Cheshire grin
soft sky, blue velvet
that I rub my thoughts against
purring like a cat

.............................

everyone has
their own
point of view

saturday morning notes

pedal
lost in a quick glance
smiles are a slippery slope
time to use the brakes

tome
intimate and slow
my hands caress the pages
and I close the book

greeting
my ears have been closed
to the soft voice of water
whispers of living

exploring the dark

welcome
I take my darkness
and hold it tight in my arms
welding it to skin
.................................
physical pain
it fills every corner, not to ignored
then night slowly becomes
a screaming black hole
and you find yourself
endlessly falling
slowly spiraling
into darkness
of your own
private
hell
...............................
taste
swallow my darkness
and taste the smoke from my soul
a slow crimson fire
.................................

I am just exploring words, and my own psyche
everyone has a darkness
and a light
I want to look at both

not a haiku

the pain has left
but...for the moment
so have the words

late

deserted
awake, pain, again
the night stretched out before me
desolate darkness

sunday view

lens
I am stepping out
beyond your uncertain light
into my prism

Friday evening

vinyl
my thoughts have been stuck
like a needle in a groove
time to change the song

.........................................

never assume
...ask

sunday

daughter
"a cloud just kissed me."
as rain fell on her warm cheek
her face to the sky

saturday_am

enter
the morning quiet
pours in through my open door
blue sky fills the room

consequences

I found I had an unexpected short break today,
as a result...

oblivious
waiting on the time
seems like an odd thing to do
as it ignores me

converge
lines in perspective
falling to the horizon
a meditation

stop
a stolen moment
quietly found in my day
reminds me to breathe

this and...

stroke
a clear water sky
rests on a deep horizon
going for a swim

hobby
to put it simply
I do not collect people
to hang from my life

like silver mirrors
reflecting away from me
I would lose myself

monday

witness
peace has filled my heart
look through my windows and see
horizons unfold

transformation
each step slows thought, while
the sun smooths my sharp edges
I become endless

sunday—late

sleep
I am the clear light
that pours down from a full moon
and finds you dreaming

sunday

always
looking back on loss
does not diminish the pain
but welds it to us

changing who we are
it makes us that much stronger
we are life distilled

saturday

late
I feel the full moon
it stirs me up with the night
until I am lost
.........................

I was lost
down my own twisted paths
until you found me
woke me, lured me
and I realized
only I
knew the way out

friday

sunspots
yes, I can feel it
painful, yet sweet—wide open
my eyes to the sun

rooted
to feel such fierce joy
so intense, I am stilled
lost in ecstasy
......................

yes, it is possible to feel such intensity
but it is not always ready to share
growing, expanding, opening
for me the deeper it stirs
the more still I become
to absorb every detail
brought to focus
yes, I am fine
I am only
evolving
into
me

to be seen

second language
if words do not come
then whisper me with your eyes
yes, that was beauty

very miscellaneous

patience
it stood still, waiting
in soft indigo shadows
my answer, my night

stare
my door is open
take a look, nothing to hide
bright shifting colours

..........................

[time for a random word string
since I cannot seem to capture
them in the right order tonight]

...........................

sunlit smiles
weaving words
from laughing lips
then left in the shadows
for another day

strength in honesty

trees bloom
raining clear blood
honey in the air
it fills my mouth
and pours down my neck
words warm as syrup
silent as dreaming
filling the space
between us

1am

tune
the moon is so bright
it fills the air with music
deep white ringing notes

..............................................

I can't resist stepping out into night
nothing is quite the same
a world seen on edge
its layers showing
clear moonlight
and shadows
absorb
me

friday

hush
be quiet as snow
then cover me with laughter
clear crystals of you

...................................

I smile at all around me
and listen to what it has to say
slowly crawling
out of myself
I wander
into a clear
blue day

wednesday

softly
read between the lines
and hear the gentle words
found behind my eyes

resolve
I am done falling
down the same smile lined well
walking on water

word flow

I cannot put into words tonight
too much threatens to drown me
I do not want this rip-tide of feelings

the words are not meant for this page
but rather poured and sipped
from a small slow smile
and wide open eyes

monday

new relevance
quiet, hush, be still
the storm has passed, we remain
calmly side-by-side

...................................

calm found down a hard path
quiet found in a decision made
stillness found in a different view

hush now, and you can hear my heart
its deep and wild tune

sunday night

outlet
to be so wound up
coiled tighter than a spring
I cannot maintain

no end
the wind in the trees
softly telling me a story
whispers to my heart

siren
out in the twilight
I have recaptured myself
with soft sounds and light
........................

it always helps
a walk in the twilight
you think I would
know that
by now

reluctant traveler
it seems that leaving
is the start of a journey
self preservation

slow
I grow under you
smiles feed my open heart
pulling shut the doors

knife
teetering on edge
I catch a glimpse of promise
and fall onto you

afternoon break

calm
as I take a breath
blue light fills every corner
lost inside my sky

...........................

it is hard to find that calm inside
when chaos stirs around you
with one slow deep breath
eyes close and time stops
and the world melts away
to the beat of my heart

to not move

pool
reflections scatter
on ripples of water glass
earth dancing with sky

still
sunday afternoon
a special kind of quiet
hushed expectancy

still thinking....

soft landing
anxiously, I run
then, tripping over myself
I land in your eyes

..............................

because, ultimately
we decide our own happiness
we create our own reality
our decisions/ourselves
reflect in everyone
and in everything
that is around us
the right path
not always
the easy
one

one more...

deplete
sucked out drop by drop
so slow I am not aware
my warm blood, my life

......................................

right now
I feel life, live it
it spills into the air around me
people seem to be drawn
iron filings to a magnet
until I am covered
my eyes blinded
with blood rust
crimson tears
sweeping
them all
away

............................

too soon, too new
this excess to share?
maybe, but also
too much to
contain

special delivery

one from very early this morning—
the silence was complete
I stepped out into the night
the air cool, the stars crisp
I looked up, visiting for a bit
I heard a sound...where
there had been none
turned, looked up
a shooting star
just for me

2:20AM
a silence wakes me
with weight heavy on my bed
the air filled with dreams

wed 04.15.09

than meets the eye...
taken by the wind
sailing past the horizon
I have become more

flow
crowding around me
the words fly against my cheeks
to pour down like tears

a trip

cave
cool damp living rock
embracing our soft bodies
bones clear as glass

caverns
inky thick darkness
draws me through the open door
nothing left but thought

......................................

I went to the caves today
a place I love to go
to have the rock surround you
the feel and smell of the earth
damp ancient stone
the quiet heavy weight
solid warm pressure
covering my skin
filling my senses

sunday 04.12.09

aloe
shot of bright coral
dances gently in the sun
a hummingbird's cup

evolution
I am and am not
that person that you have known
not meant to stand still

saturday— midnight

waltz
with slow graceful steps
the moon dances with grey clouds
flirting and laughing

i am
talking with the moon
I learn that I am open
filling up the night

fount
from my deep within
I feel the desire pour
spilling down to you

spin
slowly, this long dance
of mutual found wonder
ends without an end

rain
I wake to the sound
of darkness on my windows
night dripping from trees

constant
time stops in silence
it holds your head with soft hands
shutting out the world
.....................................

in the large silence of an empty house
thoughts, dreams, fears, hopes
fly unencumbered
they fill the air
swirling about
like spirits, phantoms
crowding around me

with Herculean effort
I open a door to the night
setting them free
rushing, soaring
rising, leaving
to become stars
deep within
my lover's eyes